Episode Transcript  

One

Psalm 23

Let’s begin with a true confession. I am a perfectionist, a very intense person who is always trying to climb the highest mountain. I take responsibility not just for doing my part, but for how everything turns out. Subconsciously, I tell myself this lie, “If I do not actively manage this with enough intelligence, effort, and vigilance, then all the good will be lost and that loss will be my fault.”

That is pride and self-reliance and the attempt to control everything disguised as responsibility. Do you tell yourself the same lie?

I took this to confession, and for my penance, the priest made me memorize Psalm 23. Gee, I didn’t think I was that bad, memorize a whole Psalm…but I did it. Here is how the Psalm starts, “The LORD is my shepherd; there is nothing I lack. In green pastures he gives me rest; beside waters of rest he leads me. He restores my soul.” 

Let me read that to you again, “The LORD is my shepherd; there is nothing I lack. In green pastures he gives me rest; beside waters of rest he leads me. He restores my soul.”

Two

The Wrong Road

For all of November and December, I kept reciting the entire Psalm, not just the first part. Yet, over those two months, I increasingly wore myself down with many burdens and responsibilities, and then, finally, I got really sick toward the end of December. I think the whole world was sick then. But I kept going, because you know, I had responsibilities. I have to climb the mountain. 

So I was crushed with sickness and exhausted, yet the Lord somehow brought to my attention a conversation between St. Therese the Little Flower and a novice, while Therese was dying of Tuberculosis. Therese was explaining that progress does not come through achievements but through losing everything. It does not mean climbing, it means descending. Discouraged, the novice sighs, “When I think of everything I still have to acquire!” 

Therese breaks in, “You mean, to lose! Jesus takes it upon himself to fill your soul in the measure that you rid it of its imperfections. I see that you have taken the wrong road; you will never arrive at the end of your journey. You are wanting to climb a great mountain, and the good God is trying to make you descend it; he is waiting for you at the bottom in the fertile valley of humility.” Von Balthasar, Hans Urs. Two Sisters in the Spirit: Therese of Lisieux and Elizabeth of the Trinity (p. 245). 

Three

Green Pastures are not on Mountaintops

So, here I am, trying to climb the mountain of responsibilities because, well, someone’s got to do it. I am struggling up the mountain, alone, alone! And then I begin to think, wait, in Psalm 23 it says that the Good Shepherd will make us lie down in green pastures. I have never seen a green pasture on top of a mountain summit, just windswept rocks. Wait a minute, green pastures are only found below in the valley. I am on the wrong road. I am still climbing the mountain on my own while the Good Shepherd is waiting for me in the valley with the green pastures beside the waters of rest. 

What did Therese mean when she said, “I see that you have taken the wrong road…he is waiting for you at the bottom in the fertile valley of humility”?

Four

Humility 

Therese said, “The good God is trying to make you descend it; he is waiting for you at the bottom in the fertile valley of humility.” The doctrine of the Little Way given to us by Therese of Lisieux is the virtue of humility put into practice.

Humility has two parts: The first part of humility is to accept what Jesus said, “Apart from me you can do nothing.” We must be responsible and do our part, but we can’t guarantee the outcomes; we can’t make everything happen by our effort alone. We have limitations. Accept them. The second part of humility is to realize we are the adopted sons and daughters of God, sharing in is divine life. 

Therese said, “Holiness does not consist in performing such and such acts; it means being ready at heart to become small and humble in the arms of God, acknowledging our own weakness and trusting in his fatherly goodness to the point of audacity.”

My temptation is not to neglect my duties, but to believe that outcomes rest on my vigilance rather than on God’s fatherly care.

Five

Humble Responsibility

Therese did not reject responsibility. She rejected self-reliance and pride masquerading as responsibility. Humble responsibility is this: discernment, action, and trust.

Discernment: Make an honest assessment of what God is actually asking you to do and what he did not ask you to do that maybe you took on for whatever reason. Make the decision to stop doing what God has not asked

Action: Place yourself and the outcomes in the arms of the Good Shepherd and let him help you do what you reasonably can today

Trust: Let the Good Shepherd carry you to the top of whatever mountain He wants. 

If you enjoyed this meditation, subscribe below.