Episode Transcript  

One

Begin with the Dignity of the Person in Front of You

We live in a world collapsing into loneliness, with fewer real friendships and more fractured relationships. Tomorrow at Thanksgiving, many of us will sit across from people we love, people we barely know, and people with whom we have painful or strained histories. The anxiety is real.

But before anything else, remember who you are, salt and light, and remember who they are. There is no such thing as an “ordinary” person. C.S. Lewis, in The Weight of Glory, gives us the frame we need, “It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, to some degree, helping each other to one or other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and the circumspection proper to them that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilization—these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit—immortal horrors or everlasting splendors.”

When you see the person in front of you through this lens, everything else in the conversation changes.

Two

Seek First to Know and Understand Through Genuine Curiosity

The first goal of a good conversation is not to convince someone, win an argument, or even share your faith. The first goal is genuine curiosity, the kind that shows the other person, “It is good that you exist.” This begins with asking good questions and listening well. Don’t ask “How are you?” It’s an empty question that goes nowhere. Instead, ask, “What’s been taking most of your focus these last few months?” or “What do you love to do in your free time? What do you enjoy about it?” or “What do you wish you had more time to do?”

Then use follow-up questions, the research shows these are what truly build connection. “Tell me more about that.” or “How did you feel about that?” Listen in a way the other can feel: eye contact, nodding, warmth, no interrupting, and gentle reflections (“That sounds really hard”) And here is one of the most important psychological truths: People change more when they articulate their own reasons and desires, not when they are pushed or argued into a corner. 

Your questions help them hear themselves, and that is where God begins His work. This builds trust. And trust is the foundation for everything else.

Three

Give People Freedom and Defuse Arguments

You are not responsible for making people think the way you think. God respects our freedom. He inspires, enlightens, and gently moves the heart, but He never forces. We should do the same. And as Chesterton said, “A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.”

Your job tomorrow is not to fix people or correct every mistaken idea or off-base comment. You’re not the doctrinal police at the dinner table. You are a witness to peace. And here’s one of the most important skills you can learn: A curious question is the simplest way to defuse a combative person and regain control of the conversation.

When someone comes at you with intensity, criticism, or a loaded question, don’t take the bait. Stay calm, detached, and genuinely curious. A single question shifts the entire dynamic, “What specifically makes you feel that way?” or “What experience led you to think that?” or “What do you see as the main issue there?” or “Tell me more—what brought that up?”

Curiosity stops the argument before it starts. It lowers the temperature. It puts you back in control of the tone. It honors the person’s dignity without agreeing with their conclusion. And it often reveals the fear, frustration, or wound underneath their reaction. You’re not avoiding the truth, you’re avoiding the trap.

This is how you keep the conversation human, open, and safe, where God can actually work.

Four

Help Others Reflect on Themselves 

“We all want the people we love to have a deep faith, but many simply don’t.” However, most people are not rejecting God; they are distracted. They never slow down long enough to reflect on the deeper things. Or they are angry at God for allowing immense suffering in their lives. Good questions help them pause. A few simple questions can help them pause and hear themselves. Ask things like, “What’s been the best part of your year and the hardest part?” or “What’s something you’ve learned about yourself this year?” or “What’s been giving you strength—or what’s been draining you?”

As they answer, they begin to hear their own desires, hopes, and wounds. This is where the desire for God, present in every person, begins to surface. 

Again: people change when they hear themselves, not when they’re pressed or pushed.

Five

Play the Long Game With Kindness, Patience, and Gentle Invitation

No single conversation makes or breaks a relationship. Friendship, and real conversion, is a long game. Don’t try to win the whole thing in the first minute of the first quarter. That’s how you fumble the ball or get tossed from the game for a blatant personal foul. So think long-term. Have a strategy for the whole game. And the first step is always the same: show the other person they have real worth in your eyes and in the eyes of God. You do this through the art of good questions, questions rooted in genuine curiosity that seek to know and understand them better. And that work never ends.

Here’s something most people don’t realize: one-third of Americans were baptized Catholic, and nearly half have some Catholic connection. The door is far more open than we imagine.

Since you already pray the Rosary each day, you have a simple, natural invitation right at your fingertips. It’s easy to share the Rosary Podcast through text, email, or social media. You might say: “This is something I’ve been praying each day. I’ve really enjoyed it. I thought of you and wanted to send it.”

Then follow up honestly, “Did you get a chance to listen?” or “What did you think?” If they didn’t like it, that’s still an opening, “Tell me what didn’t resonate with you.”

From there, it’s an easy next step to invite them into friendship, real conversation, and even the Rosary. This is the long game: Genuine curiosity, trust, invitation. Grace does the rest.

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