Episode Transcript  

One

The Thief

Since November, when Fr. Johannes gave me the penance in confession to memorize Psalm 23, I have been thinking a lot about God as our Shepherd. In John chapter 10, Jesus tells us, “I am the Good Shepherd.” Then he says the thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; but I came that you may have life and have it abundantly.”

The thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy. On one hand, the thief is the devil. But on the other hand, the thief is also all of the self-destructive behaviors that steal life from us. They kill us. Things like chronic self-reliance, worry, all the ways we try to create our identity and self-worth through achievements, escaping into endless distraction through entertainment, news, and sports, and social media, being too hard on ourselves, placing too much pressure on ourselves, living in fear, and resentment.

Let’s begin with resentment. We all want God’s mercy. We all want to be forgiven. But forgiveness is not one-sided. Jesus teaches us that we are forgiven as we forgive others. When we refuse to forgive, we close our own hearts to mercy. When we forgive and confess our sins, the heart opens, and grace can enter. In this sense, we set the terms: God forgives us as we forgive others.

“But,” you may object, “what if someone has really hurt you?” 

Two

Give Mercy to Get Mercy

If we want the mercy of God, then we must be merciful and forgiving to others. “But,” you may object, “what if someone has really hurt you?” 

What are we really seeking by asking this question? Do we want permission not to forgive, not to love? Permission to keep resenting the person who hurt us. One of the most self-destructive feelings is resentment. Resentment toward a spouse, a parent, your boss, or a co-worker. 

Resentment is the feeling of unhappiness, anger, and hurt at having been wronged, and we are unable to let it go and forgive. Resentment is deadly because unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.

Three

The Number One Offender 

Alcoholics Anonymous figured out a universal spiritual principle: resentment is the number one offender. From resentment stem all forms of spiritual disease. AA also learned that if you want to get over resentment and learn to forgive, you gotta go through these steps: First, write down on paper the person, or institution, or principles with whom we feel hurt, and we are angry. Second, write down why we are hurt and angry. What part of the self was hurt or threatened? In most cases, it was our pride and self-worth, or our finances, ambition, or relationships (including sex) that were hurt or threatened. And so, we are resentful. Third, take responsibility. Where was I to blame?

Some people are 100% innocent victims. Like Jesus, who was totally innocent. Still, they, too, can forgive and be set free. Most people, however, have some responsibility for the bad situation that they resent. With resentment, we place blame on others. We refuse to take responsibility. Then we ease our pain with destructive activities. If we want to be set free, then we have to take responsibility. Where were we partially to blame? Were we selfish and self-seeking, did we act out of fear, were we inconsiderate, maybe we were dishonest.

The point is, we must be specific in identifying the exact nature of the part we played, our wrong, and take responsibility for it. Freedom and spiritual maturity begin by taking responsibility for our choices that added to the problem. Then forgive yourself and the person who wronged you. 

Four

Use Your Imagination 

God gave us the gift of imagination for these moments. Imagine that a terminally ill friend offended us, we would say to ourselves, “Poor soul, look how they suffer. It’s no surprise they act this way. God save me from being angry with them. How can I be helpful to them?” 

Ok, well, the person who hurt you, the person you resent, is spiritually sick. Hurt people hurt other people. In fact, we are all spiritually sick, and we all hurt others, often without even realizing it. The person who hurt you is just like you: hurt, confused, and afraid. 

The only difference between you and them is that they probably don’t resent you. So, we must ask God to help us show the same tolerance, mercy, and patience that we would cheerfully give a physically sick friend. Or imagine this person might end up in hell, alone and abandoned. Do you want that? Or do you want to prevent it? Pray for them, forgive them, be Christ to them and not Satan. Make the choice which one you will be.  

Five

Our Resolution 

Recall that in the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said, “The measure you give will be the measure you get back.” So, imagine Jesus saying to you, “Listen, you have really hurt me; so I don’t think I can forgive you or love you or let you back into my life.” 

Because that is what we say to others through our resentment and unforgiveness. Now, there may be valid boundary issues, it might be best that the person who wronged you is not in your life. But you can still forgive them. 

So the solution to resentment is four steps: First, surrender to God the feelings of resentment you are powerless to change on your own. Then make the choice to forgive. Forgiveness is an action, not a feeling. You can do it even when you don’t feel like it. Thirdly, be grateful for the almost endless blessings you have. Jesus, thank you for my life, for the sun, the rain, the food in my fridge, my home, on and on. Lastly, get busy and do some good for the world and other people. Surrender, forgiveness, gratitude, and service conquer resentment. 

If you enjoyed this meditation, subscribe below.