Episode Transcript  

One

We are all too busy

Jesus said that he's the Good Shepherd who came to give us abundant life and rest. The thief comes to steal and kill and destroy. One of the most self-destructive behaviors is overcommitment and busyness.

Both sin and busyness estrange us from God, others, and ourselves, though in different ways. What do people normally answer when you ask the customary, “How are you?” “Oh, good, just busy.” Pay attention, and you’ll find this answer everywhere. College students are busy. Young parents are busy. Retirees are busy. CEOs are busy; so are baristas and part-time nannies, we’re all busy. 

Our lives should be full of doing and experiencing good things. The problem isn’t when you have a lot to do, it’s having too many good things that keep us from God’s things!

Two

Why are we busy?

Let’s look at just five reasons for our overcommitment. First, our identity riding on usefulness. For many people, busyness has become a measure of worth. “If I’m not producing or helping, then I’m a failure.” This shows up most often in conscientious, responsible people, the ones everyone depends on. They tie their personal value to being indispensable to others. Rest feels dangerous because usefulness has become their identity.

Second, fear of relational discomfort. Overcommitment can also spring from avoidance. We say things like, “They’ll be upset if I say no. I don’t want to disappoint them. They’ve done so much for me.” Saying yes becomes easier than tolerating the tension of letting someone down. So, we choose overcommitment over honesty, call it charity, and quietly adopt the posture of a victim. 

Third, confusing opportunity with obligation. The third reason for overcommitment is that modern life offers endless good options for us and for our children. They are good things and we fear missing out. Or we fear that withholding any opportunity from our children will stunt their potential. When every opportunity feels necessary, discernment becomes impossible. Good things multiply until God’s things are crowded out.

A fourth reason is misplaced responsibility. But this strength can quietly lead you to take on too much, more than God is actually asking of you. We begin to think, “If I don’t do it, it won’t be done right. I can’t step back right now. This depends on me.” What begins as responsibility slowly turns into self-reliance. Overcommitment becomes an unconscious attempt to hold reality together by sheer effort.

Finally, we say yes to too much because we refuse our limits, believing they exist to be conquered rather than accepted, whether physical, emotional, or temporal. So instead of honoring them, we override them, quietly and repeatedly. Until the body, the marriage, or the soul breaks down.

Beneath all of these patterns is the same lie: “If I don’t do this, something essential will be lost, and life will be diminished.” That belief creates urgency, pressure, and internal tightening.
And peace quietly disappears.

Three

The Root Cause of Overcommitment 

We are overcommitted because we do not know who we are and what our personal mission is. When you know who you are, then you know your personal mission, and you can confidently say no to everything else. 

Who are you? You are an adopted son or daughter of God. You don’t have to do anything to create your identity. Your mission is holiness, to become like God, your Father. That means to grow in a deep friendship with Jesus by daily meditation and by the resolution to be transformed in virtue and love. 

From my identity as a child of God flows my first mission, holiness. From that holiness flows my particular personal call, the way I am called to cooperate with God my Father to do good for other people and to make the world a better place. 

When we know who we are in God and that our first call is holiness, our personal calling becomes clear. We no longer need to say yes to everything or try to do everything. But when our identity is unclear, life becomes frantic. We grasp at commitments, stay busy, and exhaust ourselves because we do not know who we are, and therefore do not know what to do with ourselves.

When you know who you are, you know what to do. When you don’t, you get lost.

Four

The Solution

Jesus went to Martha’s house and found her in a state of overcommitment and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are preoccupied with too many things, but only one is necessary.” 

That one thing is a deep friendship with Jesus. Spending time with Him, talking, listening, and just being with Him. That is what Catholic meditation is. That is what we do in the Rosary. Because in friendship with Jesus, He reveals to us our identity, our mission to holiness, and our particular mission or calling. Without this, we walk blind and exhausted through life. 

Get this one right, make daily meditation and a resolution the priority, the one thing you do every day, no matter what, then you will slowly, slowly see what commitments are God’s will and what are not. And you will receive the strength to say yes to God and no to the rest. Then you will be free and at peace. 

That is why Jesus said, “I am the light of the world. The one who follows me will certainly not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

Five

Examination 

As a resolution, I would encourage you to set aside some time to step back and look at your life. What do you think are your commitments, your kids’ commitments? Write them all down. Ask, “Lord, do you want each one of these for me?”

Don’t give in to the pitfalls we enumerated in point two. Be fearless in this examination. You may not get the full, clear answer in this moment. But if you ask sincerely, then God will show you what He wants and does not want in time. But it will require your cooperation, to let go, to say no, and to choose His will.

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