Episode Transcript  

One

Love Your Enemies 

In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus taught, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, in this way you will be sons of your Father in heaven.” Matthew 5:43–45

This is not a suggestion, but a test of whether we are truly Christian.

O.k, sure, maybe the saints can do this – but how can we make this the expectation of the ordinary person? 

God is love.

To be united with God, we must become like Him.

If we refuse to love, especially our enemies, we are refusing to become like God.

Without love, we separate ourselves from God, who is love.

Therefore, if we do not love even our enemies, we cannot be truly Christian — because we are rejecting the very nature of God Himself.

Now, you might think, “I don’t have enemies. Sure, people who don’t like me but not real enemies.”

That is most assuredly true, you don’t have anyone who is out to kill you. But nearly everyone has someone they secretly resent.

You may not have someone who wants you dead

But unless you are unusual, you have someone you resent and you have made that person your enemy. 

Two

Who Are Our Enemies? The People We Resent

In the original Greek, the word for enemies is “echthros”(eck – thross) which means anyone who is in opposed or in conflict with me.  

An enemy is not just the person who fights me, but the person I refuse to love because I resent them.

We tend to resent those who have hurt, failed or disappointed us. Common examples are a

Parent who neglected or wounded us.

Spouse who disappointed or betrayed us.

Friend who broke trust.

Boss who overlooked or humiliated us.

Sibling who was domineering or we envied.

Anyone who failed to give us the love, respect, or care we desired.

Inside my heart, I believe: “You owe me something you did not give me. So, I resent you.”

Through this resentment, I place you into the position of a debtor — someone who owes me something.

In this way, you become my enemy — not necessarily through open conflict, but by the interior judgment I hold against you.

Three

What Is Resentment?

Resentment is the ongoing refusal to release someone from a debt we believe they owe us because they hurt our sense of value or worth.

Here is the step-by-step inner process by which resentment forms and grows inside us.

Someone fails to give us what we think we deserve - love, affirmation, protection, or justice.

Deep down, even without knowing it we feel and begin to think, “Because you failed me, I must not be worth loving.”

We experience this as shame — the fear of being unworthy or unloved.

Instead of facing the pain directly (I feel unworthy),

I move (displace) the focus onto the other person (You wronged me; you owe me).

This is a defense mechanism — I defend myself from feeling shame by blaming the other - “You wronged me — the fault lies with you.”

While it feels protective, this resentment is poison. 

Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. 

Four

Why Resentment is Poison 

Resentment is like drinking poison because it traps us in unresolved inner pain.

Someone wounded my sense of value or dignity.

Instead of healing the wound through forgiveness, I hold onto the debt.

That unresolved debt keeps the injury alive — as long as the debt remains, the pain remains.

The wound triggers a fear: “Am I unlovable? Am I worthless?”

This fear causes pain that becomes unbearable — so I try to escape it, I instinctively seek relief through destructive behaviors:

Addictions to Alcohol, drugs, pornography, or food numb the pain and offer a false comfort.

Workaholism — I overachieve, trying to prove my value and silence my fear of unworthiness.

Binge entertainment — I drown myself in media, distractions, and noise to avoid facing my wound.

This causes emotional problems like anxiety, depression, rage, and bitterness. 

Resentment can even lead to physical illness because chronic resentment activates the body's stress response, weakening the immune system and harming physical health.

Because I won’t forgive, I can’t let go of the debt, so I can’t let go of the pain — and I try to escape the pain in all the wrong ways.

Five

The Only Way Out: Find Identity in God and Release Others Through Forgiveness and Mercy

Resentment comes because we looked to people to give us what only God can give. They didn’t give us what we needed, they didn’t care for us, so we feel worthless. But no person can give us our identity, worth, or happiness. Only God can. He has already given us infinite worth by making us His sons and daughters. He alone can make us perfectly happy.

When I find my identity and happiness in God alone, I no longer need anyone else to give me anything. They owe me nothing. This allows me to forgive — to release the debt I was holding against them and give it into God’s hands. Forgiveness is not saying the wrong didn’t happen but releasing the impossible debt.

But Jesus calls us even further. He ends his teaching on love of enemies by calling us to “Be perfect as your Heavenly Father is perfect” or as Luke puts it, “Be merciful, as your Father is merciful” (Luke 6:36). Mercy doesn’t just release the debt — it wills their good. I can pray for them, and think and speak and do good for them — not because they deserve it, but because God has been merciful to me. 

This is freedom: I need nothing from them, and I am free to love.

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