Episode Transcript  

One

Margaret of Cortona and Lust 

The Ninth Commandment warns against lust, the way men and women use each other to get what they want. St. Margaret of Cortona is probably a saint you’ve never heard of, but she is the perfect patron saint against the deadly sin of lust. 

Margaret possessed tremendous physical beauty, and she craved affection. When she was sixteen or seventeen, she fell in love with a wealthy young man, and they began to live together. They had a son but never married. He was not the type of man who could make a mature commitment. Nine years into the relationship, tragedy struck. Her lover had gone on a hunting trip with business partners, but did not return. Finally, his hunting dog came back, tugging at her dress to follow him. She followed the poor beast very far into the forest, where the dog directed her to her lover. He had been murdered by his hunting companions, who were settling a debt, and left to rot in the woods. At the appalling sight, Margaret was stunned like one struck by lightning. Filled with terror, she asked herself, "Where is his soul now?" 

In the decaying corpse of her former lover, Margaret was given a dramatic, vivid image of what lust does to the soul. 

Then and there, she firmly resolved to change her life, and like the Prodigal Son, she returned repentant to God. 

How can we do what Margaret did?

Two

What is the Deadly Sin of Lust 

The desire for sexuality is a good thing given by God. Likewise, the desire to be loved and cherished, the desire for a family, for kids and grandkids, for companionship, these are all good. But lust is disordered desire. Lust is the desire to use another person sexually to get what you want.

Both men and women struggle with lust, often in different ways. Men tend to use women for physical gratification. Men use their wives in sex; men use women in pornography; men use women with “the second look,” reducing the person to a body for sexual pleasure. 

And women use men to get what they want. What does a woman want most? Boy, I wish I knew the answer to that… Actually, women want to be valued, cherished, protected, and loved, and very often they want a family, they want kids and grandkids. All good things. And women can fall into lust by using sex to get what they want. Recall, lust is to use a person sexually to get what we want. A woman shouldn’t view a man as a means to get her those things. The man she marries is a person she should love. And to Love means to want and to do what is good for the other person. So you get married and have a family, not only because it will be good for you, but it will also be good for him. Marriage and children are the way we grow in love and responsibility and build the kingdom of God by having and raising holy kids. That is the motivation, not simply getting what we want.

“Ti voglio bene”, I want your good, that is the motive we must practice. So, let’s examine our motives and make the decision to act out of love, which means to do what is good for the other person rather than use them to get what we want. 

Three

Overcoming the Addiction to Pornography

Pornography is one of the most common ways people break the Ninth Commandment. What are the practical steps to overcome the addiction to pornography?

The first step is to restructure your environment so that you avoid the near occasion of sin. That means you have to find the patterns, the routines, the steps, some people even call them the rituals, leading up to your falls. All addicts have these. They don’t decide to sin out of the blue. There’s almost always a pattern that leads up to the sin.

So what is the ritual that begins your descent into lust?

Maybe you just start browsing YouTube, looking for something interesting. Maybe you have a work project due, but you just really don’t want to start it. Maybe you look at your phone after you get the kids to bed, or during your lunch break, or after your wife has said goodnight. Maybe you watch a show, a sports game, or a movie, and then when it’s over, you really don’t want to go back to real life, so you start wondering what other entertainment you could look for. Maybe you look at porn every time you’ve had a couple of drinks, but you still don’t want to go to bed.

Anyway, you need to figure out: What is the ritual? What is the place? What is the time? What is the device? And you need to make a change. You need to avoid beginning that ritual, avoid that place, rearrange the furniture, and figure out what time a given device needs to be put beyond your reach.

It takes strategy, so put in the thought, make the plan, and then put it into action. Because if you don’t, you’ll never get free of this thing.

Four

Accountability

No one overcomes addiction alone. Choose one person (friend, mentor, or spiritual director) and tell them plainly: “I need your help to break this.” Set a fixed check-in time (daily or weekly). Put it on the calendar. At every check-in, do exactly this: Say what happened, no hiding, no vague language. Name the trigger, time, place, emotion, situation. Describe the pattern, what you did leading up to it. Decide one change, one concrete action for next time. Between check-ins: Text or call immediately when tempted, install accountability software on all devices, and remove access, move devices, block sites, change routines.

Do not rely on willpower in the moment; follow the plan you already made. This breaks the cycle:
temptation, fall, shame, isolation, and repeat.

If you stay hidden, you stay stuck. Trying to quit alone almost always fails. Real, consistent accountability is one of the fastest ways to regain control. If you bring it into the light, you can break it.

Five

Regular Confession 

Needless to say, Christ is Our Savior from Sin, so good luck trying to beat any vice, especially lust, without His help. Frequent and regular Sacrament of Confession is a powerful weapon to overcome lust and the addiction to pornography.

First, the devil likes to hide in the darkness, and he hates to be driven into the light. When we bring these sins into the light of Christ in the confessional, the devil flees. Second, in Confession Christ forgives us, and He gives us an increase in His divine life to overcome temptation and sin and live with genuine love and chastity. Third, it creates a kind of accountability. When you confess regularly, you don’t want to keep coming back with the same sin. It forms your conscience and strengthens your resolve. And yes, it’s humbling. But that’s exactly why it works. If pride feeds the addiction, humility breaks it.

Along with regular Confession, turn to Mary and Joseph often. They are the perfect models and advocates in pursuing the purity that their lives so perfectly embodied. And in conversation with Him during prayer, He will show us how to profit from our faults, and how to better strategize in overcoming them. He has promised that He will heal us if we strive to follow Him and place our trust in Him. It may be difficult, and it may take a while, but it will happen.  

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