Episode Transcript  

One

The Fun of Dialogue

In the last two meditations we reflected on how to develop the best friendships with our spouse, kids and friends; and how to grow in the good of knowledge.

And to have both good friendships and real knowledge we need to learn the Art of Good Conversation. 

In fact, a conversation is one of the best ways to learn. 

Very often today, when people want to learn about something, more and more they listen to podcasts, where two people have an extended conversation about a given topic. 

The platform is relatively new but not the idea. 

The first great masterpieces of philosophy are Plato’s dialogues, where we get to sit in on Socrates’ conversations with other people about all the big questions.

So why is good conversation so delightful? Why is it something we’re so drawn to, and how can we learn the art of good conversation so that we can have the best relationships and learn the most? 

Two

What Conversation Offers

A good conversation with another person is an essential way of sharing goods—like truth, friendship, and understanding—that cannot be attained in isolation.

A good conversation offers you three benefits:

First of all, in a good conversation, you don’t just hear what another person thinks—you step inside their perspective. By asking good questions, you get to see what it’s like to be someone other than yourself. That’s an amazing gift.

And secondly, in conversation your own thoughts and consciousness are stimulated, sharpened and made more creative. You come up with conversation topics, you try to clarify your thoughts and experiences, and sometimes you have to defend or alter your own position. Conversation challenges and expands your mind in real-time.

And the foundation for two people exploring and challenging one another, but doing it in a way that is respectful, enriching, delightful, and affirming – the foundation for all that is intimacy.

Intimacy is what happens when two or more people come together privately to share themselves with each other. 

And that is why listening to other people’s broadcasted conversations can never substitute for the real thing. 

What Teresa and I hope is that our conversation will spark you to have your own. 

Three

Listening to Public “Conversations”

A real conversation between two people gives you another person’s perspective, it challenges and stimulates your own thinking, and most importantly, it gives you intimacy.

Listening to other people’s conversation on a podcast or a talk-show may be a fun way to get information, but it’s not really a substitute for conversation.

At one level, of course, the people talking on podcasts can’t share themselves intimately with each other, because ultimately they’re performing for an audience. 

They’re not just thinking about their conversation partner – they’re thinking about all those people listening in.

You may feel like you’re getting to know the podcasters, but actually you’re only getting the part they’re willing to share with a vast, anonymous public.  

Whereas when you have a conversation with an individual, one-on-one, neither you nor that person are on a stage. It’s just two people, alone, being with each other just for the sake of being with each other

And that’s where real sharing can happen. That’s how intimacy grows. That’s real conversation. 

Four

How Do You Do Real Conversation?

Maybe one of the reasons people are turning so much to talk-shows and podcasts is because they struggle to have real conversations of their own. 

So here are some simple tips for having good conversations with your friends or family:

First, be genuinely curious. 

Take a real interest in the other person. Remember—this is someone with experiences you’ve never lived, and those experiences have shaped a perspective worth learning from.

Second, ask good questions. 

Learn their history. 

Ask where they come from and how they got to this point and what was great about that and what was hard. 

Then ask questions about the present.

What are the good things in their life and what are the difficult things. Then it’s easy to segue to ask about how the other person feels about those things and what they think about those things. It’s amazing what happens when you ask - “How did that make you feel?”

You can also ask about how the other person spends his or her time. 

Ask, “What takes most of your time?” 

Or “What have you been reading or listening to?” 

Or “What has been most on your mind for the last 30 days?” 

Avoid shallow topics. 

Keep your questions away from other people, since that just leads to gossip. Try to keep your questions away from the news, since that just leads to the dull repetition of partisan talking-points. 

Go Deeper.

Ask questions that help the other person talk about what really matters in their life—what they care about, what they hope for, what they struggle with, and what they’ve learned from it.

That’s the path to intimacy. That’s the path to a deep, and mutually enriching conversation. 

Five

Conversation with God

John’s Gospel begins with, “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.”

But actually, in the Greek the name for the second person of the Trinity is “Logos,” which doesn’t only mean “Word,” – it also means “Conversation.”

So John’s Gospel could also be translated, “In the beginning was the Conversation, and the Conversation was with God, and the Conversation was God.”

You see, our delight in good conversation is a result of our being made in God’s image. We are made for good conversation. And the most important conversation is with God. And that is what prayer is – a conversation with God. Talking to him and listening to him.  

So if you want to have a good conversation with God try this:

Tell God what you are thinking and feeling. Be really honest with him. He already knows but if you tell Him, it really gets the conversation started. 

We listen to God by reading or hearing Scripture. 

And the key to listening is to think about what God is saying or doing in Scripture. Apply it to your life. Ask yourself, what does this mean? Am I living this or not? And if not, why not? 

Finally, we need to respond to what God is saying through his Word in the Bible. What are we going to do based on what he has said – that is our resolution.  

That is a conversation we should be practicing every day.  

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