Episode Transcript  

One

St. Louis Martin

Louis Martin is the Father of St. Therese the Little Flower. He also had four other daughters who became religious sisters. He was a highly intelligent man with a strong work ethic and a devout Catholic faith that made him an excellent husband, father, and provider for the family. His wife Zele died when Therese was just four years old and Louis cared for his daughters wonderfully. 

However, when the five daughters were still teenagers, and shortly after Therese had entered religious life at fifteen, Louis suffered a series of strokes and then full-blown dementia. Only Celine and Leonie were left to care for their father, and they did their best, but he had the habit of escaping in the night. Finally, they had to place him in an old monastery that had been transformed into what today would be considered a type of memory care facility. The suffering of the family was increased by the friends and neighbors who said the daughters had him confined just to be rid of him. 

This was a great trial for the whole family. But neither Louis nor his daughters viewed his dementia with bitterness or anger toward God. Rather, they understood it as a mission that God had entrusted to Louis, to be united to the suffering of Christ for his own spiritual purification and for the salvation of many souls. Through his suffering, he had become a co-redeemer with Christ, as St. Paul says in Col 1:24.

Still, this was a tremendous trial for the family. In her autobiography, Therese writes, “I did not foresee then the trial awaiting us. I did not know that on February 12, one month after my clothing day, our beloved father would drink so deeply of such a bitter chalice. … Words cannot express our grief; nor shall I attempt to describe it here. In Heaven, we shall enjoy dwelling on these dark days of exile. Yet the three years of my father's martyrdom seem to me the sweetest and most fruitful of our lives.” (Chap. VII)

Two

A Mission from God

Our loved ones with Dementia Have been entrusted with a mission from God. We can be tempted to think a person with Dementia has nothing to offer the world. But if a person is in the world, then it is because God thinks that person makes the world a better place, they are doing or could do some good. Otherwise, that person would not be in the world. 

A baptized person with Dementia is fulfilling a powerful mission to help Jesus save the world and to save souls. When you are united with Christ through Baptism, your sufferings are joined to the suffering of Christ because we are baptized into his death and Resurrection, which means that your suffering and death become a means for your spiritual perfection and something God uses to help save other souls. You become a co-redeemer with Christ. 

You might think, “But, don’t I have to consciously offer up my suffering for it to be beneficial?” If you are consecrated to Mary, then you have given everything to her, your life, your prayer, all your good works, all your suffering, and death. When you consecrate yourself to Mary, she becomes your spiritual investment broker for all your spiritual treasures. And those are primarily the treasures of prayer, work, joy, and suffering. All the spiritual merit, all the spiritual wealth you get from praying, working, and suffering, when we consecrate ourselves to Mary we give these to Her and we say, “Please use these in a way that will help get the most people to heaven.” 

Now, what is so great about this is that whether a person has dementia or they are in a coma, or in so much pain that they forget or just can’t offer it up, Our Lady is receiving our spiritual investment and she is applying it where she sees best. 

You don’t need to make your spiritual investment decisions for them to be made wisely when you have consecrated yourself to Mary and she is doing it for you. 

Three

Pride

One of the biggest obstacles we place in the way of God purifying and transforming our souls is our intellectual pride. Let’s face it, we think we know better than God about everything. This intellectual pride prevents God from doing all he could to transform us. 

To save us from our intellectual pride and to clear the way for God to purify and strengthen our soul to get us ready for heaven, sometimes God has to render us like little children. 

Now, a person with dementia, when their cognitive ability, their ability to know what is going on, is diminished, then they stop resisting the work of God in their life by their intellectual pride, and then they are fully open to the purifying and refining action of God. In fact, dementia may enable them to be more open to the grace of God than they have ever been before.   

When the cognitive ability is taken away, then we become less resistant to what God needs to do to purify and transform us; we become like little children, totally docile to the action of God. 

Four

Resistance 

I waste my suffering because, when it comes, I resist it. I get angry at God, reject it, and refuse to accept it. I don’t want to suffer, and I don’t like it. But in pushing it away, I lose the chance to offer it for souls, and the good it could have done is lost.. You see, my pride and my intellect get in the way because I think I know better than God what I need to do. 

My mother suffered from Dementia. The whole family was very sad about this and at times very frustrated and even angry with the situation. At first, Mom knew something was wrong, and she was afraid and even at times angry. But as the dementia took a greater and greater hold, she resisted less and less. She became totally surrendered and abandoned to God and at peace. She didn’t complain, she was not bitter because she didn’t think about her situation. She couldn’t, she was unable, and that was a great grace. She was suffering, but she was not resisting, and therefore, she was cooperating with God to save many, many souls. 

It may be that God is allowing many good people to suffer from dementia because they are the few who are not refusing to cooperate with God for the salvation of many souls in the world who might not make it to heaven without these victim souls.

Five

A School of Love 

Dementia should draw out of us sacrificial love and honor. For this end, our loved ones with dementia are doing us the greatest good. When everyone around us is in good health and can take care of themselves, we can so easily retreat into lives of selfishness and self-serving, and that might lead us straight to hell. 

But a person suffering from dementia gives us the opportunity to forget about ourselves just for once and serve someone else sacrificially. I watched my dad grow in virtue and holiness by the way he took care of my mom. And hopefully, I grew a little less selfish by giving her the sacrificial love she deserves.  

Finally, we should have a deep reverence for these hidden souls with dementia who are fulfilling this mission from God to save the world and save souls by their suffering. We should give them the honor that is due to them for the mission they are fulfilling, they are like martyrs and victim souls.

Suggested Resolutions:

Choose one resolution for today to help you grow closer to God, or create your own. Here are some ideas to inspire you.

• Consecrate yourself to Mary so that all of your suffering can be used to save souls.

• If you have loved ones with dementia, don’t be frustrated by their condition. Know that this is a time in which we can only love selflessly and grow by our service to our loved ones.

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