Episode Transcript  

One

The Meaning of Sexual Love

What does the Catholic Church teach about contraception? Let me put into simple terms what the Catechism teaches (paragraphs 2370 and 2399): Any action that deliberately removes the procreative potential from the sexual act is a grave moral evil, even if someone has a good reason or is facing difficult circumstances. When done with full knowledge and deliberate consent, such an act is a mortal sin.

Why does the Church teach this? God designed the marital act, the sexual act, to be the body language by which a man and woman express the love of God to each other.

What does that mean? Well, love is not whatever we want it to be. God is love. In the Trinity, the love of God is a free and total gift of self; that gift results in a permanent union of the divine persons, from which another divine person (the Holy Spirit) proceeds.

God designed marital and sexual love to be the body language that expresses Divine Love. In marital or sexual relations, we are saying with our bodies: I am giving a free and total gift of myself to you. I am giving a permanent, indissoluble gift of self. And this gift is ordered to new life.

If we don’t mean that when we have sex, then we are saying one thing with our body and another with our mind or intentions, and that is a lie. To express one thing with our body while intending the opposite in our mind or will is a form of deception. That contradiction is a lie. And a lie is not a loving action. The opposite of love is use. So contracepted sex is not an expression of love; it is use. And use can never lead to happiness.

Two

What Is Contraception?

Here is the definition of contraception: Contraception is an intentionally sterilized act of intercourse that changes the action so that it is:

• Not a total gift of self—one’s fertility is withheld.

• Not unitive—a diminished gift results in a diminished union.

• Not ordered to life.

In contracepted sex, we are saying with the body, "I give all of myself," but in reality, something essential, fertility, is withheld. This contradiction makes it a lie, and lying with the body is not love but use.

Contracepted sex does not image the love of God: it is not a total gift of self; it is not unitive; and it is not ordered to life. That is why contracepted sex is not a loving action. In fact, it is the opposite of love. It is use, using the other person as a means to pleasure or to get what we want.

Three

Does Contraception Hurt Love?

Are you saying couples who use contraception don’t love each other? They may love each other in many authentic ways. But an act of contracepted sex: Is not an act of authentic love. Is not a reflection of the love of the Trinity.

Sexual love is not arbitrary. It is not whatever we want it to be. It is not merely an intense feeling or the sharing of pleasure. Sexual or marital love is supposed to be where we love one another through the body, as God loves, to speak the language of God’s love through our bodies. Love is to give ourselves away freely, totally, faithfully, and fruitfully in imitation of Christ.

Four

What If a Couple Needs to Avoid Pregnancy?

So, what the heck is a couple supposed to do, have twelve kids?

The Church does not teach that every couple must have as many children as physically possible. But Christ and the Church insist that we must love and never lie. For example, when I speak, I must speak the truth. I should never lie. But I do not always have to speak. Sometimes it’s better to remain silent. Is refusing to speak and lying the same action? No. They are completely different actions.

Contracepted sex is never an action of love. It is always a lie. Abstinence, refraining from sex, is like remaining silent. Contracepted sex is an evil action. Abstinence is a good action. There are legitimate, good reasons to postpone pregnancy or even not to have another baby at all, reasons tied to age, or physical, mental, or emotional health, or the needs of the immediate or extended family.

There are also bad reasons, sinful, selfish reasons. The point is: if a couple has a just reason to avoid pregnancy, they must still speak the truth with their bodies. But couples are not always obligated to have sex. There are lots of occasions when a couple might want to have sex but have good reason not to: Perhaps one spouse is sick. Perhaps the wife just gave birth. Perhaps the couple is visiting family and there are thin walls. Perhaps they have a good reason not to have another baby.

These are all good reasons to refrain, even if the desire is present. If a couple had a just reason not to have another baby, and if they were firm in their resolve to speak the truth with their bodies, the only thing they could do would be to: Exercise their freedom and self-control and abstain from sex.

Five

Is NFP Just Catholic Contraception?

Some ask, "Don’t couples using Natural Family Planning (NFP) and those using contraception have the same goal—to avoid pregnancy?"

Yes, both couples may have the same intention. But what matters is not just why you act, but how you act. The Church teaches that a moral action must be good in all three parts:

• The act itself.

• The intention.

• The circumstances.

Contracepted sex is always an intrinsically evil action. It changes the nature of the act, turning it into a lie. A good end never justifies an evil means.

Natural Family Planning, by contrast, does not change the act of intercourse. It works with the rhythms of a woman's body as God designed it. When a couple abstains during the fertile time, they are choosing to remain silent. When they come together during the infertile time, they speak truthfully with their bodies, giving a total, faithful, fruitful gift of self.

So while the intention (to avoid pregnancy) might be the same, the means are entirely different: NFP respects the meaning of sex and the design of the body. Contraception falsifies the sexual act and contradicts its meaning. This distinction matters.

Think of two students who both want good grades: One studies. The other cheats. Same goal—but different actions. One is virtuous; the other is dishonest. In the same way, a couple using NFP speaks the truth. A couple using contraception tells a lie. A good end never justifies an evil means.

That’s why the Church teaches what she does about contraception: because truth and love must never be separated. To love is to give the whole truth of ourselves, freely, totally, faithfully, and fruitfully, as God has loved us.

A great resource to learn more about what the Church teaches and why about marital and sexual morality can be found at Askchristopherwest.com.

Suggested Resolutions:

Choose one resolution for today to help you grow closer to God, or create your own. Here are some ideas to inspire you.

• No matter where you’re at with contraception and sexual morality, don’t let it stop you from turning back to confession and realigning your beliefs to God’s design for human sexuality and the conception of human life.

• Consider going to askchristopherwest.com or sharing this resource with others who might be in need of more education on this topic.

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